Apologies
by Kilerya
Summary: Kanzaki & Shiroyama friendship fic : in which Kanzaki tries (more or less successfully) to apologize for the way he treated Shiroyama before. Warnings: Language (swearing) I blame Kanzaki for that he's a bad influence.


**Author's note: *sneaks a peek from behind the corner* hi, been a while since I put up anything...been a while since I finished anything really ^^"**

**So this is set a few days before the school get destroyed the first time around, if they seem a little OOC it might be because of the headcannons I'm basing them on including them being childhood friends (and Shiroyama acting as the voice of reason pretty often) and Kanzaki's mean guy act being just that, an act (at least mostly) and he's pretty insecure when it comes to meeting up people's expectations.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own them I'm just having fun**

**I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it ! (I'm blaming all the swearing on Kanzaki u_u )**

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"Alright kids, you be good while I'm at work !" Natsume snickered and disappeared in the back of the shop.

Rolling their eyes at their friends antics, Kanzaki and Shiroyama walked away. While they wandered aimlessly around town, Kanzaki let himself get lost in thought. Ever since he'd been let out of the hospital he had been meaning to have a talk with Shiroyama, owning up for having been such a shitty friend this past couple of years, and apologize. Weeks later he still hadn't found the guts to go through with it. If anything his failed attempts at bringing up the subject only made it more and more difficult each time. _This is ridiculous_ Kanzaki thought,shaking his head, _I just have to man up and get it over with!_

They were sitting in the park before he mentioned anything.

Kanzaki went to fetch them cold drinks, to Shiroyama's surprise, and kept arguing with himself that he _wasn't_ stalling thank you very much just trying to do something nice for a change. He had to start somewhere after all,right? Right...

Twenty minutes of _not stalling_ later Kanzaki strode into the park trying to spot Shiroyama through the crowd of noisy kids and gossiping parents. He found the taller teen, eventually, in one of the rare shaded area that wasn't overrun by overexcited brats on the other side of the park.

Grumbling about summer crowds taking over the city, Kanzaki dropped the grocery bag of the ground and himself on the bench, sprawling as much as he could before Shiroyama pushed him back with an amused huff. They messed around and bantered for a while before Kanzaki's conscience decided to make itself known again.

_Didn't you have something to tell him ? anytime today..._

_Fuck off._

_What happened to 'getting it over with' huh ?_

_...Don't want to ruin the mood._

_Coward._

Kanzaki reached for a drink, offering one to his friend, and sighed. His stupid inner voice (_screw you too_) was right for once, there was only so much stalling he could do. He took one last gulp of his yogurt, emptying the brick before starting to talk.

"Hey there's um something I wanted to tell you..." Kanzaki hated the faltering tone in his voice, "Look, I know I've been... I mean I kinda um didn't-wasn't..." the more he went on the more he tripped on the words, they were there swimming around in his mind but he couldn't get them _out_. Flustered, Kanzaki sneaked a look to the other side of the bench. Shiroyama was staring at him with concerned curiosity; Kanzaki cursed under his breath. "Fucking hell" By the raised eyebrow that got him he couldn't have been as quiet as he thought. Cursing up a storm in his mind, Kanzaki took a deep calming breath and looked away from his friend before continuing. He _could _do this. "I know I've been a complete bastard to you and I wanted to apologize." He sighed "I- fuck I don't have any excuse I was the shittiest friend you could have had and I could pretend all I want that I don't know how that happened but let's be real it'd be complete bullshit; got just a little bit of power and I let it get to my head should have fucking known better, should have fucking listened to you more often, hell should have listened to you _period_-"now that he started it didn't seem to want to stop, _when's the last time I unloaded like that_... he turned back to face Shiroyama, barely taking note of the frown on his friend's face. "-so yeah I'm sorry for all the shit I pulled since we started high school, fuck I don't even know how you managed to put up with me for so long, been such a self centered asshole-"

"Breathe you moron"

Kanzaki startled at the interruption, only realising then that he was out of breath. _great, he probably didn't get half of that trainwreck..._.Glancing around their corner park he was relieved that, at least, no one else had witnessed that.

"Done ?" Shiroyama asked and, at Kanzaki's weak nod, added "Good." before pushing a new yogurt brick in his hands with a half glare that seemed to say _drink and shut up now_ "You're not as much of a bastard as you-" Kanzaki had never been good at keeping quiet.

"I told you to jump out of a fucking window on the third fucking floor! How the hell is that not screaming 'bastard' in your fucking head ?!" In retrospect had Kanzaki really hated himself for that one.

"_Listen!_ " As much as Kanzaki wanted to protest, the glare Shiroyama was sending his way made him shut up. "I'm not saying you don't act like a bastard-" Kanzaki mumbled in agreement but Shiroyama ignored him." when we're at school, that's way out of line."He hesitated for a moment. "If you stopped acting like a shithead everytime there's an audience you'd be just fine. No one's going to look down on you for being yourself."

A self depreciating smile crept on Kanzaki's face. "You give me -and them- too much credit."

"Or" Shiroyama countered "maybe _you_ don't give yourself enough... and if anyone gives you shit you can always kick their ass, you're good at that." Kanzaki snorted, people would probably argue that last part these days. "You can't be that much of bad friend." Shiroyama said, almost as an afterthought." You wouldn't have spend three weeks fretting on that if you were." Beside him, Kanzaki almost choked on his yogurt.

"You knew ?! " He managed between coughs "Fuck and you d-didn't say...the hell ?!"

"Payback" was the only answer, _fair enough_ Kanzaki thought, he could have sworn he saw his friend smirk a little and he had to laugh.

Not the best idea when your favourite drink is stuck in throat, he found out. It took a few minutes and a couple of slaps on the back for Kanzaki to start breathing normally again. Even after his little choking episode he couldn't help but smile, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. Of course that might be just as much lack of oxygen than actual relief at getting that mess of his chest but he wasn't complaining either way.

"Apology accepted, by the way. Don't do it again." Shiroyama said absent mindedly while sifting through what was left in the grocery bag, trying to find something that hadn't warmed up too much.

"What, act like a bastard ?"Kanzaki stretched against the backrest, staring at the branches overhead "that was the idea yeah."

"That too but I meant apologizing, you're fucking terrible at it"

Chuckling, Kanzaki decided to change the subject. "You're swearing an awful lot, should be careful" he teased "first step on a very, very bad slope"

"Can't help it, you're a bad influence on me" the other teen deadpanned.

"Heh, tell me something I don't know..."

"Scorpions can stay alive 6 days without breathing." Kanzaki stared at him, blinking. "What? I have curious siblings..."

They traded some more good natured banter before falling in a comfortable silence. Messing around like this Kanzaki could almost believed that nothing bad had happened between them this past few years. Almost. Things had been so much easier before, when they were still young enough that the worst they could do was call each other names or argue over who should get the last cookie. No fights getting so out of hand someone needed to be hospitalized. No feuds started over the stupidest things. No pretending he knew what he was doing when, most of the time, he didn't have a clue. No pretending _at all_ outside of make believe games. No need to be stronger, meaner and scarier than everyone else, to get five minutes of peace and and quiet. No pressure.

"Do you ever miss it?" Kanzaki hears himself asking "The time when the worst thing that could happen was our mothers getting that_ look _when we did something stupid. You know the one, that 'disappointed, you're in a world of trouble' look... "

"Sometimes..." Shiroyama said, thoughtful "But at least I don't have to endure your obsession with pirates anymore."

"Shut up, pirates are cool." Kanzaki shot back along with a light kick." I miss it. Not being a brat-_don't_ say it or I'll kick you again- just, hanging out, like we used to." There was no need to explain the difference, not to Shiroyama.

"Easier times." Shiroyama replied, _can't really be kids anymore can we?_ went unsaid but Kanzaki heard it clear as day anyway. And maybe they couldn't get back to that exactly, having seen and done too much to even pretend to that kind of innocent play.

"You know what? you should stay over at my place tonight. Been too fucking long since we did that." So maybe they weren't twelve anymore but Kanzaki'd be damned if they couldn't still have some fun, sleepover style.

Shiroyama chuckled "Fine, but no pirate movies" At Kanzaki's mock hurt expression he added "I swear I still remember them all down to the last line." In the distance they could hear parents starting to herd their kids home so they could catch a train before the late afternoon rush. "Should probably swing home to get my stuff, meet you at your house ?"

"Nah I'll come along, " Kanzaki said, standing up, and grinned. "I can test you on your pirate knowledge on the way." He started walking away and called back "Don't laze around I'm not waiting for you! "

Rolling his eyes, Shiroyama followed but didn't answer. Kanzaki didn't mind though, a quick glance back proved his friend was smiling. He still couldn't believe everything had turned so well. The problems weren't solved of course and the easy atmosphere might not last more than a few days before slowly starting to tense up again but at the time Kanzaki couldn't care less.

Not only had he owned up to his mistakes but his best friend didn't seem mad at him AND they were going to have a sleep over. _If the rest of the world isn't happy with that_, Kanzaki thought while arguing that there was _no such thing_ as seeing a pirate movie 'too many times', _they can just fuck off._

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**Hey you're still there ! thanks for reading, it'd mean a lot to me if you felt like leaving a review (even if it's just to say good or bad).**

***gives you a plate of cookies* have a nice day/night !**


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